I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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