Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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