Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
