Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
