That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
