dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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