i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
