There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
