Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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