I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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