I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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