i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
