Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
