How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
