wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
