I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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