So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
