By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
