So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
