Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
