hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
