The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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