Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
