I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
