I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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