Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
