So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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