If i come over, it means nothing
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
