If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
