benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
