I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
