I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
