i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
