If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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