Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
