haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
