Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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