you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
