I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
