apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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