I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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