Who wears a wallet chain?!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
