so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
