And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
