On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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