Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We need to get me chipped asap
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
