Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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