You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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