i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
