oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
