ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
