I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
