Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
