Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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