they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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