I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
