The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize