you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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