mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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