Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
