Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
