guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
